By Covert Hypnotist | August 8, 2008
Photo by gwilmore
When building a rapport with other people there are various mistakes that can be detrimental to the developing relationship. Three of the most common mistakes made when building rapport are trying too hard, being too nice and wanting something too much. All of these are easily remedied as are the three worst mistakes you can make when building a rapport with people. The key is being able to recognize the mistake and know the solution.
When refining the skill of building rapport the first of three detrimental mistakes you can make is to show a lack of genuine interest. This is shown through signals given off by body language.
When you are focused and genuinely interested in what another person is saying your body responds in ways others pick up on a subconscious level. These signals range from a change in body language and pupil dilation to your actual focusing signals.
If you are bored or showing disinterest people will often respond by turning off. They may show you that they are annoyed with you or simply lose interest as well. Two people having a conversation where neither is interested will damage rapport to say the least.
There are two solutions to this first problem. One is the idea of ‘tracking back’. Track back is similar to active listening. In track back you repeat the same words back to the speaker, in the same language they used. This shows you are interested, keeps your mind on track and clarifies what is being discussed.
You can also apply a track back frame in this skill. This is simply a set of words that frame the exact phrase you are repeating back. “So what you’re saying is…”
Active listening is different in that you repeat back what the speaker has said using your own words. The dilemma with this is that when you change the words and language you will often change the emotional meaning and tone of the words.
All language has a neurological effect on people and when you change the emotional meaning of a phrase you can accidentally change the entire meaning. If you change or lose the meaning of what your speaker is saying it may appear that you weren’t listening at all. Again creating the idea that you are disinterested in your speaker’s thoughts and ideas.
The other solution to this problem is to take the advice of Carl Rogers. Rogers was a great psychologist in the early 1900’s. Carl Rogers said that you should always have a high regard for the other person.
No matter what you think of them under other circumstances, if you are trying to build a lasting rapport you must find a way to convince yourself 100% what they are saying is worthy of respect.
When you accomplish this you will accomplish the task of opening up your speaker. You are saying with your body and subconscious signals that they will not be criticized or attacked; you are in a safe place. In order to develop rapport your subject needs to feel safe in order to share feelings and ideas with you.
The next horrible mistake you can make while trying to build rapport is to play the wrong role within a relationship. When two people are building rapport their relationship can fluctuate.
There are three different roles you can take on in every relationship you are creating. These consist of a high status, low status and equal status. This has nothing to do with your annual income it is merely a place within a relationship. For example an instructor usually has the high status in interaction with a student, and the student has the lower status.
Now it seems that status would naturally fall into place within conversation, right? The problem with this is that there are people who are unable to take on different status themselves. They need to be led into a new status.
If you are dealing with a person who only likes to be in a high status and you attempt to take away their role for yourself they will not be comfortable. In fact this will usually result in them disliking you and distrusting you.
You must learn to be a flexible communicator. If you have the ability to take on whatever status is necessary you will be able to open communication with anyone and start a rapport. Once you have done this you can slowly change your levels as they follow your lead and adapt to you.
Keep in mind the ‘pacing and leading’ principle here. You can only travel through the different status roles as quickly as your subject will comfortably follow.
The final vital mistake you can make in your rapport building is to neglect a wide rapport and build only a deep rapport. A deep rapport is when you base your entire interaction with a person on one subject, interest or environment. This type of rapport will get you deep in that area alone quickly.
It is in your better interest to have a wide rapport so people can relate to you on many different levels. A wide rapport gives a person many different experiences of you in many different environments, interests and subjects.
This is important as it does not limit you. Your subject can feel comfortable talking with you in many places about many different ideas, feelings and thoughts.
There are two ways to create wide rapport. One is to meet in different locations to conduct your interactions. This could be enjoyable but time consuming. The other is to develop wide rapport through story telling.
Story telling offers you an endless amount of places, topics, themes and ideas you can open your subject up to. The more sense of your complete personality they have the more comfortable they will be in building rapport.
As you continue to talk about different topics your subject will eventually be willing to open up to you about anything. There are many different techniques and uses for story telling that you will learn throughout your Hypnosis training.
Now that you are aware of the common mistakes and pitfalls of building rapport you can use the simple solutions provided to refine your skills. Always keep in mind that the better your rapport building skills the better you will be in the act of Hypnosis.
Now go forth and build elegant and beautiful rapport with everyone you know.
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Topics: Active Listening, Body Language, Building Rapport, Common Hypnosis Mistakes, Common Rapport Building Mistakes, Conversational Hypnosis, Deep Rapport, Hypnosis, Instant Rapport Technique, Pacing and Leading, Pupil Dilation, Story Telling, Subconscious Mind, Tracking Back, Unconscious Mind, Wide Rapport | 1 Comment »